So I haven't ruined my life yet. Know why? Cause I'm awesome. That's why.

I'm moving kids. Did ya know? Bet ya didn't.

But I am.. Oh I am. To a place on 64th street with my dear old sis. Joe will move in two months after I do. Long story. The moral is though is that it's gonna be OK. And that's how I roll.

The other moral of the story is that my birthday is in 9 days. Can ya dig it?? 9 I tells ya. How fun!

OH, we switched from crappy ass talk to a rock station again. K-Rock is all back and whatnot. How excited are you? For realsies. I know it, I can feel your happiness and joy through cyberspace. Who am I talking to? I dunno, but it's nice..isn't it? I have some cool new things to do. Fun for the family is what it is.

K. Gonna go now. See you soonish!

So I do hate people. That's a fact.

I just hate how people are fake at times. I mean, let's admit it folks. We are all fake from time to tizime. But I feel that the fakeness level of some people reaches a level of terribleness that severely annoys me. I shouldn't be so concerned with other people, especially when it doesn't concern me...but I so am.

Whatevs.

I'm doing this to either better my life or ruin it. Depends on how you look at it. Ask about me homies.

I hate people.

More to come later.

So, lol. Do I have to say "wow! It's been so long since I've posted"? I didn't think so.

Still at Free FM. I like it there and I heart the people there like whoaness. For realsies.

I'm still happily living with Joe. We have our issues, but at the end of the night, I still am happy and grateful I'm with him. We have a great little family goin'. Our house (haha I at first typed hose. Our hose is a happy one) is a happy one...and that's what matters. I'm too dramatic for him and he's too apathetic. But for some reason there is a balance there that makes us really happy. I love going to sleep next to him, with Lexi in the middle of us (that's my dog, perverts). I'm very grateful and happy I'm with him

My family situation is a bit messed up. I mean, I'm very sad about the whole thing. But it is what it is and there's nothing anyone can do about it. So I'll have to suck it up and whatnot.

I have my beautiful Lexi Star. My dog. She is the best addition to my life. I love her so much. For serious. She's out of her mind, but she makes me so happy.

I, my friends, am sorely broke. Like in a scary way. It's tapping into my happiness. Lol. But seriously, guys. I have no money. I have no idea where it all went. I don't go shopping and all that jazz, so I can't imagine where it is. I'm thinking that it's all going to student loans and whatnot. Which is ass. I don't want to get another job, because I want to be completely available for Free FM. So, I'm stuck. I hope that something wonderous happens and I get some monies soon, cause this is bad news bears.

And I think that that is it. I'm happy in general, just stressed about things like family and money. Of course the two things that there is basically nothing I can do about. And that's it. So, I guess there was no need for an update in the first place...but I like attention, so I figured...why not? This update isn't that funny. Maybe I'll do another at a later date that is a bit more humorous. Perhaps laddies, perhaps.

So I leave LJ for a week and this is what happens? Not cool dude, not cool.

Either way, I shall update for your viewing pleasure. I've come to realize that I am who I am. I used to be really down on myself for being a lame-o or for being too eager to please others. Now...I don't give a good gosh darn. I mean, yes, I want people to accept me. Whoever says "fuck 'em, I don't care what people thinks of me" is a liar. And a thief :) For realsies, people like to be liked. I do. So when I'm myself and people don't like me, I guess it just means that I don't mesh with certain humans. Tis all.

So, there that is.

I want a dog. I'm stalking the guy I spoke to last week about it today with my boyfriend. I need my dog. And I need new jeans cause I'm fat.

Work is fine and dandy.

Boyfriend is fine and dandy.

Family is eh.

Money is eh.

And that my friends is how I roll. I've gotten the chance to catch up with a lot of people from the hood which is good.

People are confusing. They are. Why? I do not know. I wish people would just be straight up with how they feel about you and what they think, without being meanies. Why be negative, about anything? Even if your luck is bad...and you're misunderstood, why be negative about it? Look up, and even if it sucks and it's hard, look the fuck up. I learned that negativity will get you nowhere. I know that life is tough. I do. For realsies. I can be emo with the best of 'em. But when you get yourself into a groove, it's best to try your best to stay in it. Now, I wonder to myself out loud if I don't get on the radio in the next few years if I will be greatly saddened. If I try my best, hopefully that won't happen. But let's say my efforts have gone unnoticed and I don't get on right away. WIll be sad and negative and downsome. Hopefully not. I think life is purely situational and purely about choice. Purely. Yes. bad hands get dealt...there's no doubt about that. But I think that people can turn bad luck into something ok. Savvy?

But what in the tarnhill do I know? Hm? HMMM? Not much I spose. I do know that I don't like Alex Trebeck, but I do like Justin Timberlake. I don't like liars, but I do like good times. So, there THAT is.

Hello ladies and homeslices...how's 'everyone doin' up in this piece? I'm alright. I've been workin' all week, fillin' in for the receptionist. You kow how I do. For realsies.

I'm feelin' better, I actually got medicine and whatnot. So that's good. Joe is fine and dandy, we aren't driving each other crazy yet. Well, a little bit...but not more than usual. I'm still trying to get used to this whole I have to do things for myself thing. Like, i'm not NOT used to it, but I feel like I should be doing more. That doesn't make an arse lick of sense, so figure it out. Savvy?

I have been doing a lot of remembering though. So, there that is. I'm not going back to school, cause I graduated, which is always a very good thing. But I'm thinking of last year and how sickly miserable I was at this time. There was the Jude thing, the Sirius thing, the Ted thing, the school thing, the substance thing. I was ass last fall. Odd. I feel good inside now, I think. I mean, I don't have that much to worry about, accept money. And that's nothing new really. My love life is divine indeed. My family is a bit on the wierd side, but I'll love them no matter what happens. I'm not wanting anything, or hoping for anything, aside from my goals as an on air chickadee. Goals are different for me than longing for something, I feel. Of course, you want a goal..no der. But I think, when I set a goal, I know I'm going to achieve it...or else I wouldn't set it. That's how I roll Broseph. I usually don't reach for the unreachable...could be a bad self-esteem or could be just the realist inside me.

Garsh, I would come home in the fall, do the illegal things, lay on the couch and wait to go out and drink, or just sleep. What the crap was that about? I feel close to stagnant now, but the comforting thing is I know I'm not. I'm kinda floating. Like, I'm in the right place, and I just have to wait for the right time. That's all.

SO. That's a good thing. I'd like to get married sometime soonish. I do love Joe and I do feel like I'm going to be with him forever. But I'm all about the wedlock. And a dog. I need a dog, by November. Any dogsitters out there? Holler back son.

So, I'm done with all my silly talkin'. I'm not making a lot of sense..but I don't feel funny today. I only make sense when I'm funny. Lol, that's not true. But whatevs.

I spose that's it. all good, savyy?

It's been quite some time that I've written in this lil' thing. Quite some time indeed.

I've moved out of my hizouse. I live with Joe in a nice little place on River Road. Mad swanky son. I'm so broke and this is so out of my league...but whatevs. I'm happy with him and the place. Quite happy indeed. Actually guess who lives here as well. Just guess. I'll give you some hints. The loser ass face that I worked with at Sirius that made my life impossible. Yes...good ol' Comedy ****. Good times. I saw him the first day I was here, I was all...dayum. But it's alright, things are ok and whatnot. I do miss my family a bit...but it's all good son, everything's alrighty roo. And I live two minutes away. So, there that is.

Work is the same. I love everyone I work with too, so that is always a good thing, and a complete turn around from my days at good ol' changs. I had a lil' event yesterday, the O&A traveling virus and I saw the one. The Only. Bob Saget. My life is complete. Completely complete. It was AWESOME. So awesome I can't see straight.

Oh, there's that and I have a crippling cough.

For realsies, I'm so sick, but I don't want any doctor visits, until my big one on the 21st. Yep.

Soooo, work is about to get a lot better too. Just is.

So, other than that, everything is the sizame. I'm about to go out with my momma dukes to Chang's to have som good ol' Joe cookin'. My sister is a server there, God bless her soul. I'm dying a bit cause of the nasty cough so this could by my last entry. But if I do die, at least I saw Bob Sage say "Fuck that shit...OWW!" on stage. That my friends, is what dreams are made of.

who's gettin' married? DORA'S GETTIN' MARRIED! I have to see her off today, which should be fun.

Love you dorita.

All is the same in the Sasha camp. Joe and I are good times. Moving in together in a month. Woot. Work is super fantastical. The only problem I have is money. But that's alright, I'll make it work...won't I? The answer to that is yes. Yes I will.

So party on party people. For realsies. I'm gonna get mad crunked son. heh. that sounds funny even though I wrote it. Peace out homeslices.

Sooo, happy birthday Iohann with an I :)

My berfday is tomorrow folks. So let's get on it. Now.

This one kinda creeped up on me. All bein' 22 and shit. Now I'm only 11 years younger than Joe. Take that!

:D

Nothin' much going on at the momento. I saw Dave and everyone on Wednesday, which was super fantastical. Everytime I see them, it makes me miss them. So, hopefully I'll keep seeing them throghout my little life. So, there that is.

I feel lethargic. I'm not sure why. I thik somehow I brought myself bad karma. I had to spend a lot of money this morning. Things got messed up with joe's money and we need it for the holding fee for the apartment. So, I am left with zero dollars for the week. That is no bueno.

I feel wierd, as usual. I think seeing everyone on wednesday put me back a couple steps. I"m feeling alright...but I just get this nagging. I like my job and all that jazz, I do. I really do. I just feel like something is going to go WRONG. What is that about?

So, that will be all.

I'm trying to put this link in my AIM profile and it's not working, biznotches.

Anywhoodles...joe and I found a place :D Half Moon Harbour. Actually, that's where psycho (yes Dora, I have a psycho too) lives. But whatevs, I'll be with mah boo, so it should all be good. So. yeah. We agreed on our payment plan, so all that has to happen now is joe's credit going through and time passing. I want to move in with him and get my dog ASA friggin' P.

I've been acting wierd lately towards people, and I know this. I don't know what it is, really. But I've been pensive lately. About nothing really. But I dunno. I have wierd dreams and then i get paranoid. But it's the way I am I spose. I'll never not be argumentive and I'll never not be snappy. It's just me. I hope that my broseph accepts that for face value. I try to be good and all that stuff, so hopefully that shines through more than the negative nonsense.

So there that is. Everything is pretty cool though, not for nothin'. I do have a job, and that is good. I am going to move in with my boyfriend to a really really really really nice place. Way nicer than I thought I'd ever live in. And, my boyfriend is the shiz. So that's all good. For realsies. I'm glad. Just pensive.

yay for me and half moon harbour. We move in in September, which is pretty far away, but not really. Summer will fly by, and I won't have to be going back to school, thanks the heavens. I have three months to save up some dough. I'll keep my street team job and hopefully make my face more known. Tis good times.

Good times indeed.

Can I just please tell you that Macs rule your world? Please?

Anywhoodles, I drove on the highway all by mysizelf last night for work! Granted, it was straight and if I screwed it up I would have to have mental problems. But still. It was monumental. Then I slept over my joe's house.That's always a good thing.

Sooo, there that is. Work is fine. I'm glad to have a job. I need to take another one, but I'll wait until I move out.

I love Michale J. Fox. He's the man. He rules your world too.

I'm really broke. Bad. All you need is love right? RIGHT??

I notice my entries aren't so funny anymore. Perhaps they shall be soon. Perhaps they shall.

Perhaps.

So, I got a new laptop. That's pretty cool. My mommy and joe and I all chipped in to get it for my graduation present.

My birthday is comin' up folks. How do you feel about THAT?

I had to go to the ER last night. I've never done that before. I'm back now. And they gave me medicine that makes me nauseous. I'm worried because one of the side effects is vomiting...now we don't need any of that do we?

Over the weekend joe and I went down to Wildwood. I'm so goshdarn proud of myself, I set up the whole thing. Cost me much dollars, but it was really worth it. Him and I had mucho fun..so that's good. Gotta love my Joe.

I don't feel so good :-(

See, I love me some Howard Stern. For no real reason. I mean it's the same juvenile antics any morning show has. He did create it, it was the original. And I like his voice. I'm big on voices. I loved Dave's voice. Howard's show is nothing but nonsense, but I guess sometimes I like that in radio. If I was involved in such a show, I would try to bring some sort of class and intelligence to it. With my own opinion.

However...what I can NOT deal with is Jeff the Vomit guy. I hate him. I hope he chokes on his own vomit. He is disgusting. He is an emetyphile and I hope that one day he dies from the fumes. Today I was enjoying a nice brainless Howard Stern show and that friggin disgusting bastard came on and had some poor porn star throw up on him. I think. I'm muting it now. This porn star right? She is insane. She once puked and ate it. She ate it. SHE ATE IT. I hate her. And I hate him. I hate anyone who enjoys the act of puking.

See folks, I have vomitphobia. And as much as Joe and my family take it lightly and yell at me when we watch the Sopranos and someone throws up and I freak, it's a real phobia. I'm scared. It makes me cry and shake. It's not fake. When I have a dog I will be scared when he pukes. I do not even KNOW what I'm going to do when i have kids.

No, I don't feel sick when someone throws up. And no, I don't feel sick when I see it. I feel scared. And right now I'm angry that I'm paying 50 dollars for three months of Sirius satellite radio and I can't listen to my Howard Stern show because of someone's twisted fetish.

Fucking sick bastards.

So, anywhoodles...I graduated on Saturday. I mentioned that right? That's about it. Thanks for your time.

I HATE thoes friggin' PSA wannabe truth commercials. I'm so sick of them. My anti drug is cocaine. How do you feel about THAT???

I don't even know what I'm saying.

Anywhoodles...I graduate on Saturday. That's nice. So I'm in for a few decades of debt from student loans and working myself until I become famous! Woo!

I'm seeing Da Vinci Code tonight with mah boo...I love him. Not Da Vinci, Joe. His license got suspended due to him bein' a silly billy and I had to drive him around for the past few days. That meant I got to spend the last three days basically living with him. So we saw what we were in store for starting in July. We survived. I really liked it, aside from the snoring. I really love him. So let's hope this whole me wanting to spend the rest of my life with him thing works :\ He's a good guy, and he makes me very happy. I can't see myself with anyone else...ever. So that's gotta mean somethin'. I drove on the highway with him...that's love.

So there's that. I'm glad I'm graduating. I still have that wierd feeling. I'm happy, and I'm worried. At least I'm working, right?

So. yeah. I have a headache. But I'm ok. It's raining. But that's alright. I'm happy. So that's a positive.

Tomorrow I'm driving my boyfriend around in a place I don't know how to get to.

Get ready for a big fight. We all know i drive like a chick. Poor Joe. He's in for it.

Sooo, now I work in the promotions department of the station. I'm on the street team. Woot. It's good times though, s'long as I'm there.

No word about anything else.

Passions is gettin' pretty good.

I'm tired though. I had to get up in the ass crack of dawn and go to the city of NY to give out WOW stickers. Good times. For realsies.

So there's the end of that one. I'm tired, but I'm trying to be positive about everything. I have this wierd feeling, and usually when I have this feeling something goes wrong. But that's that queer nonsense talking again.

I graduate in two weeks. That's some coolness.

My boyfriend and I are fine. Met his parents. They think I'm young i'm sure. And that's cause I am. But I'm good peeps. So that should make up for my being young and all.

Oh shit, Full House is on, gotta go...

*For serious, I gots to watch me some Tanner family goodness*

So, I had myself a good cry last night. I haven't cried since everything started to go wrong about a month ago, so it felt good sort of.

I don't understand things about men. This time around, I'm trying to be really good, as I've mentioned many times in the past few months. I don't want to mess things up, and I want to be honest with myself and with him. So I've done just that. Everytime an ex calls me or texts me, I feel like I should tell him, that way karma will be good and we'll have a good relationship. But for some reason it's not working. I really feel like I've never felt before with this guy. I'm not sad (cept for now of course) And all that gay shit that's sposed to happen in a relationship happened with us. I feel happy with him. But for some reason we are both really insecure. I know I am. And he is. Oh em gee, is he! He told me that our relationship is based on our insecurities, and I don't know if that's bad or good.

Last night an old friend of mine texted me. Lol. Friend. That guy I was like in love with for awhile. So before my boyfriend found the text, I told him about it. It was no big deal, the text was two words max and was just asking what I was up to. This dude never knew i was in love with him, so it's not like we were an old flame or anything. So, what Joe got from that text was that I wanted to see other people. He saw the text and said "do you want to see other people"...I was like where in the Lord's holy name do you get that from a little text? It makes me think that he in fact is the one who isn't serious about me. I've never in my life thought to myself that I wouldn't want to be with anyone else ever again. Shit, just five months ago I was going to hold out for this dude! And now all I can think about is my future with this guy. And the first thing he asks me, is if I want to see other people.

What I get from that is that he wants that. And by asking me so quickly he actually isn't as serious as I thought he was. I'm being so good, I haven't cheated and I have lied. So, basically, my heart's out ther (to be really gay about it)...and my mom just told me to be careful with my heart. I'm not a middle ground kind of lass. I either put my everything into a relationship or I don't. I can't be safe now, it's too late for me to turn back. So I either put myself out there to get hurt or I don't. I'm at that point that I hoped I'd hold out for. It's like when love starts to hurt you. And him and I weren't like that for so long. Love isn't supposed to hurt you. It's supposed to make you really happy. I guess I'm not there yet. I still feel happy with him. But all I can think about is how fuckin' sick I am of putting myself out there more than the other person does. I don't need it. I dont' need to feel second best. I did it with every relationship I've ever had...I was LUCKY if I was second. And I'm starting to feel angry and resentful.

All I wanted is to be someone's everything. I know that I've hurt people before, I by no means was the model girlfriend. The only time I really hurt another person was with Stosh...I was just plain fucked up, no questions asked. I mean, I've done my share of bad things. I know that. But most of the time, I've tried so hard to be good and loving, and all I got back was feeling like I was an afterthought.

I know that this guy doesn't feel like I'm an afterthought, I know he cares about me. But I just get this funny feeling (I'm always right by the bye) that he isn't as serious as he says he is. Especially if he's running around asking if I want to be with other people. If I saw a text message from his whore of an ex girlfriend, the one he was so very in love with, the one I WATCHED him follow and love with all of his good heart, I would fight. I would fight until the end. Elio, if you're reading this, how MUCH did I fight with you when you didn't want to be with me. I latched onto you to the point of patheticness (that's a word, cause I said so). I'd ask him if he truly wanted to see other people and I'd make sure he knew that I didn't. I'd make sure he knew that he was the only one I'm thinking of, that I want to live with and spend my life with. I'd make sure he knew. I wouldn't just ask him like it was nothing. He watched me love this guy, just like I watched him love his ex. Why doesn't it make him want to love me? Why does it make him just brush me off like everyone else did?

I know I'm being queer here. I know that all I'm doing is feeling bad for myself. And I've been doing that for a couple weeks now. I'm trying SO hard though folks. Harder than I've ever tried in my LIFE. I don't want to feel bad for myself. I don't. I dont' know what to do anymore. Everytime I try, something pushes me down. Everytime I don't try I just have bad luck. So WHAT am I supposed to do? Be careful with my heart. Dave once told me to never trust a gig. I guess that rings true for relationships too.

Nothing is forever, so I might as well be a cynic about it. Nothing else has worked, so maybe this will.

Hey bucks. I'm sad.

I had an OK week I spose. My Joe came back from FL and it was great to see him. I really missed him. Like a lot.

I shopped with my bride Dora whom I shall walk down the aisle with ;) I love her like whoa. Bought a dress for the wedding-a-ling. Twas good times for all.

Opened up a nice can of worms with my boyfriend bout things. But I think it was resolved. Who knows.

I haven't heard anything about anything and that makes me sad. I really want things to work out the way I want them. Lol. I guess that's just not the way it's going to be for me. I really hate feeling self pity. I do. Because last semester after I didn't get the sirius job, all I did was whine. But all I can think of is "why do things have to be taken away from me?" I thought I played my cards right here. But I didn't and that's just something I'm going to have to accept.

I got a call today to interview for a receptionist job.

I had the job of my DREAMS! And somehow it was ruined. I firmly believe in karma, so I must've done something wrong for that to happen.

I'm trying very hard to look up and be patient. Trying VERY hard to remember that the job I got was simply luck and gravy. That I came into the whole thing wanting one thing and getting another...so the way it's working out is technically like i planned.

It's just wierd I guess. I'm not going to be sad or to whine or anything of the sort. It's just a little harder than I thought. I just need to look up is all..

But it feels like something is pulling me down.

Enough with the queer shit. I need to go through today (my last day of classes...ever) see Iohann, talk to my joe and go to sleep. I'll wake up tomorrow very hopeful.

Maybe.

Hey bucks. I'm sad.

I had an OK week I spose. My Joe came back from FL and it was great to see him. I really missed him. Like a lot.

I shopped with my bride Dora whom I shall walk down the aisle with ;) I love her like whoa. Bought a dress for the wedding-a-ling. Twas good times for all.

Opened up a nice can of worms with my boyfriend bout things. But I think it was resolved. Who knows.

I haven't heard anything about anything and that makes me sad. I really want things to work out the way I want them. Lol. I guess that's just not the way it's going to be for me. I really hate feeling self pity. I do. Because last semester after I didn't get the sirius job, all I did was whine. But all I can think of is "why do things have to be taken away from me?" I thought I played my cards right here. But I didn't and that's just something I'm going to have to accept.

I got a call today to interview for a receptionist job.

I had the job of my DREAMS! And somehow it was ruined. I firmly believe in karma, so I must've done something wrong for that to happen.

I'm trying very hard to look up and be patient. Trying VERY hard to remember that the job I got was simply luck and gravy. That I came into the whole thing wanting one thing and getting another...so the way it's working out is technically like i planned.

It's just wierd I guess. I'm not going to be sad or to whine or anything of the sort. It's just a little harder than I thought. I just need to look up is all..

But it feels like something is pulling me down.

Enough with the queer shit. I need to go through today (my last day of classes...ever) see Iohann, talk to my joe and go to sleep. I'll wake up tomorrow very hopeful.

Maybe.